Coffee orders (and at-home brews) to get you through a few parenting firsts

Coffee orders (and at-home brews) to get you through a few parenting firsts
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Coffee is the nectar of the Gods. This is not an opinion, my dear comrades, it’s fact. Whatever god, gods or goddesses you believe in or don’t, we can all agree that this sweet, sweet juice is what nudges us parents successfully from one day into the next.

And while I, for one, am fully capable of drinking the exact same cup o’ joe each and every day, like the tried and true diesel fuel that gets even the biggest big rig’s gears a’turnin, it’s more fun when we can change it up a bit with the perfect taste and caffeination level for all of our mommy firsts.

So here’s my expertly* brewed advice for the best coffee orders (and at-home brews) to get you through your parenting firsts.sucks to be a mom

*By expert, I mean expert coffee drinker, first-time mom who is mainly making this crap up as I go. Head my advice at your own risk. I don’t wanna hear my choice of coffee sucks, cause it’s coffee. You could feed crushed up coffee beans straight from Colombia directly into my veins every morning, I don’t care how it tastes as long as it gets the freaking job done. And all of these do, so hush your little troll mouths you beautiful baby-growing creatures. 😀  

  1. First night home from the hospital

    Cameron’s Specialty Coffee Premium Breakfast Blend Light Roast

    This light and airy breakfast blend is the perfect at-home brew for this moment, because you’re still running on the adrenaline of giving birth and exhaustion hasn’t truly set in yet. You’re excited, happy and confident. You don’t need coffee, but you deserve it.

    This delicious cup has an earthy flavor. You just went through the most grounding act one can go through. You’ll likely never be more one with Mother Earth than you are right now, so you need a flavor to commemorate this beautiful, natural moment no matter what way you birthed your baby.

    Super Mom

  2. First blow out in public and you don’t have a change of clothes

    Starbucks Venti Hazelnut Macchiato

    20 ounces of this nutty espresso drink is just what you need when you experience your first public blow out without a change of clothes. You’re going to feel crazy as you scramble to find the outfit you swear you packed into this stupid little diaper bag while simultaneously trying to keep that squirmy little one from further rolling around in the mess. You need a coffee that’s going to support you through this moment; one that makes you feel less alone in your psycho for a second. The delicious nutty flavor from the hazelnut syrup will remind you that you can be amazing and perfect even in your darkest, craziest times as a mom.

    If you’re at the park, get in the car immediately. If you’re at the mall, perfect, there’s a Starbs within 100 yards. I’m sure of it. If you’re driving, get to a drive through NOW. You earned this one. Prop that naked baby onto your hip and stand with your head held high. You may get looks, but you don’t care. You’re a mama in desperate need of caffeine and not even a naked baby is gonna get in your way.

    Coffee orders (and at home brews) to get you through a few of your parenting firsts

  3. First smile, but it’s really just gas

    Maxwell House Original Roast

    This is a make-it-at-home kinda moment. An average, uneventful, slightly bitter cup of coffee to mirror your mood. Try not to harp on how stupidly happy you were at your babe’s fake first smile as you drink this one.  I know it will be hard not to replay how their adorable little smile immediately disappeared along with your elation and in rushed your embarrassment even though you were the only one in the room and no one else even saw it and there’s no reason to be embarrassed because it’s still technically a smile, but you still are anyways because that really sucks and you thought it was a real smile and you even tried to get a picture but your kid farted before you could get your phone out of your back pocket because dang your jeans are really tight right now but you’re still squeezing yourself into them to prove to yourself you can drop the baby weight hella fast …. just drink it anyways, mama. Drink. It. Anyways.

  4. First time your baby says, “Mama”

    Dunkin’ Donuts Iced Latte with a mocha flavor swirl and extra whip cream

    This is one of the sweetest firsts there is, and it’s even sweeter if it comes before “Dada!” Treat yourself with this delicious caffeinated dessert. Make it a full outing even with donuts and sugar for the whole family!

  5. First all nighter

    Caribou Coffee Depth Charge

    Dark. Strong. Bold. However you want to describe it, you need the serious stuff here. This black coffee spiked with a shot of espresso is sure to get you through your first all nighter. Now they don’t have locations everywhere, but luckily if you don’t have one local you can buy this coffee to brew at home in both K-Cup and grinds! Now all you need is to figure out how to spike it with espresso, or just shoot it straight into your veins  sans espresso, I bet that’ll work too. Rest assured (pun intended) that this will not be your only all nighter. I’ve personally found they get easier to get through the more you have them, but that first one… oh man that first one is hard.

    Enjoy your hard earned caffeine with this one, mama.


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21 thoughts on “Coffee orders (and at-home brews) to get you through a few parenting firsts”

  • Nikki, this is an adorable article! I drink my special diesel fuel daily! Just wait until you have teen and adult kids! When you begin thinking about your sweet baby being on her own, you really need some diesel fuel. Ah, heck, maybe a sedative is more appropriate! 🙂

    • Thank you, Christy! and I don’t even want to begin thinking about that. Luckily my little man has many many years to go before he’s on his own. I think I will take you up on that sedative when the day comes! haha

  • Coffee is a heavenly creation!I am a huge coffee addict and not a day goes without sipping on a cup of coffee. It is that one thing which keeps my mind straight.

  • Coffee=TRUTH. I absolutely cannot function without my daily dose! This article is adorable! As a fellow mom and coffee admirer, I can TOTALLY RELATE!

  • Most people cannot believe that I am not a coffee drinker. I have triplet boys, but I have never been able to stand the taste of coffee. My husband, on the other hand, began drinking coffee once we had the boys. Coffee has gotten him through many a sleepless night!

  • What a fun post! I wish I can drink coffee with my little ines… I am too paranoid about caffeine! They don’t sleep as it is! One day I will get a cup of coffee again…

  • Oh my gosh, you are not kidding with this blog post. Being a mom is exhausting on so many levels. My youngest is seventeen, and still keeps me busy. My oldest is almost thirty and I still worry about her. 24/7, never a day off.

  • I love this post!! It was written for me!! Coffee is the only thing that I could do to survive every two hour feedings for the first two years of my second child’s life. Throw in a toddler and I was a walking zombie!

  • I am not really a coffee person, but clearly its because I am not a mom yet. I didnt realize coffee was such an important part of motherhood but I totally see now. I definitely would need a couple of round of coffee for a big public diaper blow out lol

  • I’m not a huge coffee drinker but this pregnancy has made me so sleepy that I’ve had to drink some in the morning to function. Great list for after baby! I’ll be saving it. 🙂

  • This is such a fun read. We Mamas need and love our coffee so why not change it up based on our day, our mood, and our accomplishments. I need more lighthearted posts like this in my life!

  • Perfect. I love this so much. Our first will arrive this summer, and I can already tell this will be completely relatable and necessary. #morecoffeeplease

  • Love it! I’m powered by coffee from sun up to sundown, too. Never thought about pairing a macchiato with a public blow out, but the next time my Budgie boy fills his pants at the store, I just might have to hit Starbucks on the way home!

    You’ve got me inspired… I might have to make a wine pairing list for each parenting stressor. (Like a big, bold red to go with the first time your kid slams their bedroom door in anger… It’s an idea.) Thanks for the inspiration!

    • Yes! This post was actually inspired by a friend of mine’s wine pairing list lol Life as a Rambling Redhead – Top 6 wines to pair with your child’s crappy behavior lol

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