My son and I just celebrated his second birthday on January 30. I’ve had baby fever something fierce for about 6 months now and the idea of waiting until I find the elusive “one” in order to have more children seems absurd. I’m ready to explore alternative options to becoming a mother again: to be a single mom by choice.
I have to admit that there is something very alluring and empowering about deciding to have a baby on my own terms. I’m not 100% sure I’m ready to go down this road, but I do know I’m ready to learn about the options available to me to grow my family, and here’s why I’m considering sperm donation even though I’m “only” 26 years old.
I’m ready mentally
I could end the post with just this one bullet point. Being ready for another baby and to take on life as a single mom by choice is really the only reason that should matter. I have raised a very happy, healthy, smart, crazy active 2 year old completely on my own from the get go. Sure adding another to the mix would certainly shake things up for a while, as it would for any family considering another baby. But I am ready and capable to take on the added challenge.
I feel more fulfilled as a mother than I have felt as a girlfriend in any relationship I’ve ever been in
I know some women don’t define themselves solely by motherhood, but motherhood has always defined me. And you know what? I’m ok with that. People tell me motherhood looks good on me, and I truly feel the same. I’ve been in a string of crumby relationships since I was 14 years old; why do I need to wait around for Mr. Right in order to have another baby? I don’t.
Sure, it would be great to meet The One and fall madly in love, but that feels more like a fictitious movie than reality. I’ve been single for 2 and a half years with only a handful of dates during that time-frame.
I am so in love with my son and happy to be his mother that adding another love like this into my life on my own terms by having a baby sounds amazing and attainable.
I have the financial means to do so
I make a decent living between my full time career and blogging. I don’t feel strapped for cash and I have a wonderful support system in place now that I’ve moved closer to family. Sure, double daycare bills sounds scary but when I crunch the numbers, it’s not impossible.
I want Z to experience siblings close in age and under similar circumstances
Z was raised by a single mom. Z does not have a father in the picture. I would never ever want him to feel like he got the short end of the stick if I were to meet someone and have kids of our own one day many years in the future. Z would be much older than his other siblings and they would have a father in their lives. While I would never be with a man who didn’t make Z feel like he was also his son, the truth is Z will have lived many years without a father. And jealousy and feeling left out or “different” than his siblings are very real emotions that I would have little control over him feeling.
But if I were to have another baby, or even multiple babies over the next few years, through artificial insemination and sperm donation, Z and his future siblings would all be closer in age and grow up in the same circumstances: raised by a single mom with no active father in the picture. It would all feel normal and the same for him because he wouldn’t have another situation in his immediate circle to compare it to.
I know this point seems wrapped in a lot of vague “what ifs” but it is one of the major factors in my decision. It’s influencing my perspective more than anything else I’ve mentioned so far.
I want another baby
The most important point of all. I have baby fever something fierce and my ovaries are going to explode if I see one more adorable chunky babe. I want one of my own, as soon as possible.
There are still a lot of things I need to work out before I officially make the decision to be a single mom by choice, but I’m at a place where I’m ready to explore artificial insemination as a real means for growing my family. Being 26 doesn’t matter because I’m ready.
I would love to hear from you if you’ve gone through IUI or sperm donation or if you’ve traveled down the road of single motherhood by choice through another method. Tell me about your journey in the comments or shoot me a message. What questions did you or do you have about the process, what obstacles did you run into along the way, how happy are you today with your decision?