Single mom by choice — why I’m considering sperm donation at 26 years old

Single mom by choice — why I’m considering sperm donation at 26 years old

My son and I just celebrated his second birthday on January 30. I’ve had baby fever something fierce for about 6 months now and the idea of waiting until I find the elusive “one” in order to have more children seems absurd. I’m ready to explore alternative options to becoming a mother again: to be a single mother by choice.

I have to admit that there is something very alluring and empowering about deciding to have a baby on my own terms. I’m not 100% sure I’m ready to go down this road, but I do know I’m ready to learn about the options available to me to grow my family, and here’s why I’m considering sperm donation even though I’m “only” 26 years old.

  1. I’m ready mentally

    I could end the post with just this one bullet point. Being ready for another baby is really the only reason that should matter. I have raised a very happy, healthy, smart, crazy active 2 year old completely on my own from the get go. Sure adding another to the mix would certainly shake things up for a while, as it would for any family considering another baby. But I am ready and capable to take on the added challenge.

  2. I feel more fulfilled as a mother than I have felt as a girlfriend in any relationship I’ve ever been in

    I know some women don’t define themselves solely by motherhood, but motherhood has always defined me. And you know what? I’m ok with that. People tell me motherhood looks good on me, and I truly feel the same. I’ve been in a string of crumby relationships since I was 14 years old; why do I need to wait around for Mr. Right in order to have another baby? I don’t.

    Sure, it would be great to meet The One and fall madly in love, but that feels more like a fictitious movie than reality. I’ve been single for 2 and a half years with only a handful of dates during that time-frame.

    I am so in love with my son and happy to be his mother that adding another love like this into my life on my own terms by having a baby sounds amazing and attainable.

  3. I have the financial means to do so

    I make a decent living between my full time career and blogging. I don’t feel strapped for cash and I have a wonderful support system in place now that I’ve moved closer to family. Sure, double daycare bills sounds scary but when I crunch the numbers, it’s not impossible.

  4. I want Z to experience siblings close in age and under similar circumstances

    Z was raised by a single mother. Z does not have a father in the picture. I would never ever want him to feel like he got the short end of the stick if I were to meet someone and have kids of our own one day many years in the future. Z would be much older than his other siblings and they would have a father in their lives. While I would never be with a man who didn’t make Z feel like he was also his son, the truth is Z will have lived many years without a father. And jealousy and feeling left out or “different” than his siblings are very real emotions that I would have little control over him feeling.

    But if I were to have another baby, or even multiple babies over the next few years, through artificial insemination and sperm donation, Z and his future siblings would all be closer in age and grow up in the same circumstances: raised by a single mother with no active father in the picture. It would all feel normal and the same for him because he wouldn’t have another situation in his immediate circle to compare it to.

    I know this point seems wrapped in a lot of vague “what ifs” but it is one of the major factors in my decision. It’s influencing my perspective more than anything else I’ve mentioned so far.

  5. I want another baby

    The most important point of all. I have baby fever something fierce and my ovaries are going to explode if I see one more adorable chunky babe. I want one of my own, as soon as possible.

There are still a lot of things I need to work out before I officially make the decision, but I’m at a place where I’m ready to explore artificial insemination as a real means for growing my family. Being 26 doesn’t matter because I’m ready.

I would love to hear from you if you’ve gone through IUI or sperm donation or if you’ve traveled down the road of single motherhood by choice through another method. Tell me about your journey in the comments or shoot me a message. What questions did you or do you have about the process, what obstacles did you run into along the way, how happy are you today with your decision? 



9 thoughts on “Single mom by choice — why I’m considering sperm donation at 26 years old”

  • I’m sure this tool a lot of courage to share, thank you for that. I think what you’re doing is incredible and it makes perfect sense. I can see it’s in your heart and Z is going to truly benefit from it. Way to go on being fulfilled by your life and not needing the one to complete you <3 Best of luck with everything!

    • Thank you so much for the support on this. It’s definitely a scary thing to say I’m truly considering it, but the truth is, I am!

  • Sounds like you’ve made up your mind honey; go for it! You have found more love than most people who are married and have children in a couples situation. It only makes sense that you want to amplify that love and make your own heaven. I wish I’d done the same. I wish I’d had the strength, financial stability and heart to do the same. Again, go for it.

  • I say go for it!!! I am a single mother of 4… married to the last father but now in the middle of a divorce and he’s only 17 months. Mind you my oldest is 22 year old and my teenagers are still home so I have a lot of help. If you have a good support system and are mentally ready there is no reason to wait. I had my first at 17 and my last at 39.. I say the younger you are the easier it is but the older you are the more you enjoy it. I’m not rich by any means but my kids want for nothing and are very happy. SO forget what others might think or say… this is your life and a single mother can raise a happy healthy loving child… I don’t care what anyone says!!!!

  • Sounds like an excellent idea 🙂

    Personally, I think I’m one and done – but if I were to change my mind as my daughter (who’s nearing on six months) gets a little older, I’d probably go this route, too. It’s all about how you, personally, feel as a mother in a non-traditional situation. Everything I’ve read makes it sound like you and Z are living a happy, vibrant, loving life – why not add another person to that family dynamic? People end up in miserable two-parent households all the time – it sounds like if you choose to go this route, your child will be one of the luckiest ones out there.

    Good luck! I hope this works out for you, it sounds like you’re ready.

  • I think you should do what makes you happy, but not because you think “the one” isn’t out there for you. There are plenty of men who become fathers not when they have children, but when they fall in love with their wife’s children and love them like their own. I have an amazing step-father. I also had an amazing dad who died when I was young. But my point is that there are men for whom fatherhood is defined by choice and not DNA. Your son will never feel out of place because he’s right where he belongs at the center of your heart. Baby fever is some pretty potent stuff. I had it for a year-and-a-half before I convinced my husband to have a third child so you may just want to take a step back and see if it passes with some time. You’re still young. I didn’t have my first child until I was 27 and having a toddler and infant at the same time is a real challenge. My oldest two are 27 months apart. Of course, it’s your decision so I’m sure you’ll come to the right decision for yourself and your family. I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

  • I am happy for you, and this is a very empowering post. To many people wait around for a guy so they feel they have permission to have a baby. You have everything you need in your life to bring a new addition to the family. As single mothers are 100% capable of making the decision to have more children alone.

  • Hey!… I think this is incredible. God knows that there is a need in this world for pure, genuine love in the form of being a wanted child, to be passed down to the next generation. Honored to have been invited into your thoughts on this….

    Oh, and having baby number two for me… best. Decision. Ever!! Loves to pieces:) (Side note- I think it still applies on singleness given that God in heaven is the best Father ever;)

  • I feel the same way. I am 28 and my child is 18 months. I am seriously considering this also! Best of luck to you. I think it’s a great decision!

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