Yesterday I watched a video of a man expressing his feelings about his role in raising his son. His words caused an emotional response for me. Not because I disagreed with his words or felt he was wrong in some way, but because his views were on his experience and I felt I had the opposite perspective. I don’t think that a child should have to go through life without both of his or her parents. It kills me every day that my son is going to have to go through life with two part-time parents, shuffling between houses and cities.
I love my son’s father with all of my heart and I didn’t ask for the situation I’m in presently. My son didn’t either. Yes, I am hurt. Yes, I feel like I’m forced to give up something for my son’s best interest that I don’t believe I should have to give up. Yes, I struggle every single second with feeling like I’m being selfish for the way I feel. But I am able to recognize the fact that I’m absolutely doing what’s best for my son no matter how I feel about it personally. No parent is perfect and I know I will make mistakes, but I don’t regret the words I said in my response to Prentice Powell.
I am a little taken aback by his response though. He took my very private post to my very small group of friends who read my blog and made it a public spectacle. He’s posted not only my original letter, but also his response to my letter, when my letter was in no way directed at him personally, despite my “Dear Prentice Powell” introduction. His public standing in the world has now made me the center of a lot of unwelcomed opinions. I’m getting called names and judged for a very short letter by a lot of people who have no idea what I’m going through. I didn’t call Prentice any names and I didn’t attack his life or his choices. I used his words as a platform for which to respond to. Now perhaps I could have made adjustments in the manner in which I released my views. I could have address a certain type of parent rather than Prentice himself. I could have completely ignored specific references to his video in my letter, but I didn’t.
There were a lot of people who supported my views and understood where I was coming from, and for those I am thankful. I am thankful I wasn’t judged and I am thankful for the prayers and positive wishes I received from them. I am also thankful in a weird way for Prentice’s response. Although I think he may have missed my point as he felt I had missed his, the real point is that we both love our sons and are unhappy with the circumstances surrounding how we are forced to raise them for less than all of the time we think we deserve. I believe Prentice loves his son wholeheartedly and I don’t doubt his ability to be a great father, but the truth is I don’t know that he is one. I couldn’t possibly know that by watching a video or seeing his Facebook, just as he or any of his fans couldn’t possibly know I’m a bad mother by reading one blog post I wrote.
So to those of you who think I was completely selfish and wrong for the words that I said, I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I luckily know myself better than you know me and your words, although hurtful, do not define me. And to those of you who support me and have me in your prayers, I appreciate the positive thoughts for what I’m going through and I thank you for not judging me from a few words I wrote on my own website.